Today I wrote an article for LinkedIn about burnout and giving during the holiday season.
But, if you've been following my blog, you know that business advice isn't just for professionals—it's about the business of doing life. And women are notorious for being givers: even to the point of depletion.
We’ve all been there: stretched thin, pulled in multiple directions, and feeling like we have nothing left to give. And a lot of that has to do with how we're socialized.
Women historically have been taught that it’s selfish not to give to others. Our role is to be nurturing, caring, and being selfless. We are supposed to be kind, charitable, and always ready to help—often at the expense of ourselves.
The thing is you can only give of your abundance. When you're feeling drained, overwhelmed and empty, there's just simply not enough left to give to anyone . . . including yourself.
And when we "give" out of obligation or guilt? There's no gift in that. In fact, when we do that, we often burn out and resent it.
But here’s the truth: Giving doesn’t mean depleting yourself.
It doesn't have to feel like your soul purpose in life is to meet everyone else’s needs with no time to meet your own.
That's the Cinderella story. And, as a Real Life Fairy Godmother™, I know it's time to transform that myth.
As a single mom, I know that when you have kids, family, friends, and a career (or a combination of all the above), it can feel like you're running on fumes—especially around the holidays.
But there's a big difference between giving and groveling or in trying to meet other people's gratuitous demands.
In fact, when you recognize the different types of giving, you can learn how to give more wisely and ultimately having more to give overall--to others, and to life.
Here’s what I’ve found:
Service is about giving freely from a place of abundance. It's generous and energizing, but it only works when your needs are being met. Think of it like giving your time or energy because you're filled up, not drained. When service is your mode of giving, you're lifted by the act, not burdened by it.
Support is when someone needs help and you step in. It may create urgency, and there may be times you give out of obligation—whether that's attending a family function you’d rather skip, helping a colleague with a last-minute task, or even hosting a holiday gathering. But as long as there’s no resentment, and you’re able to say yes in the moment without exhausting yourself, support is a healthy form of giving.
Self-sacrifice, on the other hand, is the villain of the giving spectrum. This is when you give and give until there's nothing left. This often results in burnout, resentment, and, yes, the "bah humbug" feeling that creeps in around the holidays. Self-sacrifice is dangerous, and yet, so many of us get trapped in it. It’s easy to fall into the trap of over-giving, especially when we’re trying to meet unrealistic expectations placed on us. But when you’re giving beyond your limits to the point of exhaustion and resentment—that’s a sign that it’s time to stop and refocus on your boundaries.
Here’s the thing: you can give this holiday season, and you should—but only if it’s the right kind of giving.
When you're aware of when and why you're giving, you can give freely, from a place of energy and choice, without burning out. You can say no to things that drain you and embrace giving in a way that fills you--and others--up.
The holiday season really can be the most wonderful time of the year—not because you're meeting everyone else's expectations, but because you’re honoring your own.
So this season, I challenge you to ask yourself: Are you giving from a place of service, support, or self-sacrifice?
If you’re a woman who leans into self-sacrifice, it’s time to hit the reset button.
Set those boundaries. Protect your energy. And remember: your gifts—the things you have to offer—are most powerful when you give them freely and without the emotional drain.
You are not meant to be everyone’s emotional ATM.
You don’t have to burn out to be loved or appreciated.
Your worth isn't measured by how much you give but HOW you give.
This holiday season, give the greatest gift you can: the gift of yourself . . . replenished, whole, and full of joy.
~Your Real Life Fairy Godmother™
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