Why The Giving Tree Is a Burnout Manual for Women
- Kimberly Parry | Your Real Life Fairy Godmother™
- May 9
- 8 min read
Summary: Women burn out faster and more often than men, and a lot of people wonder why. In this blog post, burnout expert and Certified Personal Stylist Kimberly Parry uses Shel Silverstein's The Giving Tree to unpack the "give until there's nothing left" messaging that drives high-performing women straight into burnout, and what to do about it.
Unpopular Opinion: I hate The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein and I’ll Love You Forever by Robert Munsch.
And this time of year, these books are like Jingle Bells at Christmas. Overquoted, overplayed, and a little overdone.I’m not a Mother’s Day grinch. But every year these two books start making the rounds.
Women weep over them. They leave me with a little bile in my throat.
Not because I'm not a good mom. I am.
I couldn't always say that. But when I almost lost my life in 2016, I stopped worrying about overscheduling, taxi shuttling, and doom scrolling. And I got my priorities straight. Facing death can do that.
I still make mistakes. On the daily. I’m not perfect.
But I’m a mom who shows up. I love my kids fiercely. And they’re a big part of why I defy science today. My kids are my fight song.
I don’t hate these books because they make me cry or make me feel insecure.
And I’m not a picture book hater.
In fact, most of my undergraduate education and my entire Master's Degree were spent analyzing, studying, and writing about Young Adult and Children's Literature.
I've been to writing conferences. I've sat alongside some of the most prolific children's authors of our time.
Eve Bunting once called me her handmaiden. (Which still makes me feel a little regal when I think about it.)
My dear friend Rick Walton, author of Once There Was a Bull Frog (among others in his prolific library of published books), gave me a stack of signed books on my wedding day. The last book he gave me was a copy of Frankenstein: A Monstrous Parody that he signed with a shaky hand due to Parkinson's disease.
And I’m a big fan of Shel Silverstein.
I memorized There's Too Many Kids in this Tub for an oral presentation in 3rd grade. I used The Missing Piece Meets the Big O as the foundation of my very first keynote I ever wrote during my freshman year of college.
Like I said. I'm a fan of Shel Silverstein. Just not of this book.
We’ll get back to that in a minute. But first, let's address the top-of-my-list-all-time-least-favorite-picture-book: I’ll Love You Forever. I know it pulls a lot of moms’ heart strings. But let me just say this.
Even if well-illustrated, a story about a grandma rollin’ across town in the middle of the night to commit a little B&E into her grown son's house (a son who apparently struggles with narcolepsy, because she pulls him out of bed and rocks him while he sleeps) is frankly a little inappropriate. If not downright creepy.
Now, back to the point. The real reason I’m not a fan of The Giving Tree is because it glamorizes the very things I am passionate about helping my clients overcome in my work every day: burnout. And here’s the truth:
The Giving Tree Is an Illustrated Manual on How to Burnout.
Hear me out.
It’s about a tree. A thriving, living, glorious tree.
A tree that loves a boy.
The boy grows up. He needs things. He doesn’t ask for things. He doesn’t thank her for things.
But the tree gives him her apples. Her branches. Her trunk. And the boy takes everything. Says nothing. And the tree becomes a stump.
And that makes the tree happy.
End of story. If you think I’m throwing shade, here’s the kicker: in a 1978 New York Times interview, Shel Silverstein confirmed it. As he said: "It's just a relationship between two people; one gives, and the other takes."
That’s not a healthy relationship. Not for the tree. Not for the boy.
The Real Lesson in The Giving Tree
The Giving Tree is beautifully illustrated. Shel Silverstein's writing is poetic.
But the message sucks. (Especially around Mother’s Day.)Because I see this story played on in the lives of beautiful, capable, ambitious women every day. Women who are mighty oaks who have let life make them feel little more than stumps.Why?Because they believe messages like this:
Love means giving until there is nothing left.
Happiness comes from what other people need from us and our ability to deliver it.
When you are depleted, that’s success.
That’s not a love story. It’s a blueprint for burnout.
(And an enemy to realizing your full potential.)
This Is Why Women Burn Out Faster and More Often Than Men.
That’s not just my opinion. It’s not a feminist rant.
It's fact:
Gallup's Q4 2025 research puts 31% of women burning out "very often" or "always" at work, compared to 23% of men.
Women do 40% more housework than men. They account for 75% of all unpaid care work globally. Cooking, cleaning, scheduling, childcare, elder care. The invisible, unpaid full-time jobs women fill.
Women are often asked to take on "office housework": Taking notes in the meeting. Mentoring new hires. Planning company meetings. Work that’s often unpaid, uncredited, and disproportionately picked up by women who want to be helpful, Giving (Trees).
Because Women Buy the "Be Nice" Script
Speaking collectively, it’s more common for women than it is for men to be taught that being a good person means
Put other people first
Don't be difficult
Don't be selfish
Don’t draw attention to yourself
Don’t speak until you’re spoken to
To be invisible. Don’t make a fuss. And be content.
The Giving Tree doesn't just reflect that conditioning. It celebrates it. But it doesn’t make anyone happy.Especially not women.
According to Psychology Today, the compounding weight of invisible labor and emotional demands is one of the primary drivers of women's burnout. Not weakness. Not poor time management. Just cultural rules we’ve followed since childhood.
My Clients Prove It
When styling and one-on-one coaching clients come to me, I hear different versions of the “stump” story:
"I don't even know who I am anymore."
"I used to be a go-getter. I was an overachiever with big dreams. But somehow I’ve lost myself along the way."
"I just need my mojo back! I’m kind of afraid I’ve lost my edge."
These aren’t weak women. Not lazy women. Not women who failed.
These are women who’ve been Giving Trees for so long they’ve forgotten who they were. They became a servant. A sidekick. A supporting character in their own life story.
Which frustrates me because I learned the truth the hard way:
We’re all meant to be the celebrities of our own lives.
That’s not narcissistic or selfish dogma.
You're meant to be the star of your own life. It's only selfish when you expect to be the star of someone else's.
Burnout isn’t a time management problem.
It's that feeling telling you that something’s got to change. That something’s not working for you. That’s it’s time to stop being a stump that’s living for everyone else and start showing up as the unique, powerful woman you came here to be. It’s time to do what only you are uniquely qualified to do in this world: To be a tree. To reach for the sun. To share the seeds of your wisdom, talents, and strengths. But save your branches to provide shade, nurturing, and mentorship that helps young things to grow.
And how do you do that?
You own your story.
You stop playing by other people’s rules.
You take your glass slippers to the glass ceilings that have been holding you back.
How to Reclaim Your Identity After Burnout
This is why I do what I do, and it’s the power of combining fashion styling with personal development coaching.
Both are about reconnecting with your core identity. Both are about helping women know, like, and trust themselves. Because when you don't know who you are, it shows up in every aspect of your life (including how you dress, how you present yourself, and how much space you allow yourself to take up in a room).
Reclaiming your identity isn't about becoming someone new. It's about reconnecting with yourself again. To be a mighty oak: A woman who has opinions. Who has desires. Who has goals and is ready to go after them. Who has a point of view, a sense of style, and a vision for her own life. When you’re clear on that, you know when to say no and when to say yes, how to give without resentment, and how to hold healthy boundaries that allow you to be the high-performing woman that you are.
You Are Not a Stump
The Giving Tree ends with a stump and a tired old man.
Your story doesn't have to.
If you've ever thought, "I don't know who I am anymore," it doesn’t have to become a crisis.
It's a starting point. It’s a moment of clarity that can start the journey of coming back home to yourself.
The work of owning your style, building a powerful personal brand, and taking control of your life story is the most important work you'll ever do. And when you do, you’ll have more clarity, purpose, and passion in life, so you’ll have more of you to give.
It’s time to spread your leaves and shine. Because life’s too short not to. Happy Mother’s Day! ~Your Real Life Fairy Godmother™ P.S. You are NOT a stump!
About the Author
Kimberly Parry, Your Real Life Fairy Godmother™, is a TEDx speaker, ICF-trained Certified Master Professional Coach, and Certified Personal Stylist who helps high-performing individuals and organizations transform burnout and Succeed with Style™ using her signature Succeed with Style™ Framework.
Book Kimberly for your next event or explore her 1-on-1 styling and coaching experiences.
FAQs Why do women burn out more than men?
Research shows that 31% of women experience burnout "very often" or "always" at work, compared to 23% of men. The gap comes down to invisible labor, uncredited "office housework," and cultural conditioning that teaches women that giving of themselves to the point of depletion is a badge of honor. Burnout isn't a sign of weakness or lack of ability. It's the predictable result of a system that creates unrealistic demands and expectations that are impossible to fill.
What is burnout, and how do I know if I have it?
Burnout is more than exhaustion. Exhaustion is temporary. It has a clear root cause and there’s usually a clear end date. Burnout is slow and steady. It doesn’t come on abruptly. It's chronic depletion that builds and accumulates over time until it starts to bleed into all areas of your life. If you feel disconnected from work you once loved, like you've lost yourself in your relationships with others or with life, and typical self-care, rest, or relaxation doesn’t restore you, there’s a good chance you’re experiencing burnout rather than exhaustion.
What is the Succeed with Style™ Framework?
The Succeed with Style™ Framework™ is a proprietary framework developed by Kimberly Parry that breaks personal and professional success into five interconnected layers of style that shape the way you naturally show up and succeed in life.
Because burnout and success are opposite ends of the same stick, the framework can be used both as a diagnostic tool to identify the root cause of burnout and as a strategic tool for creating actionable, custom-tailored plans for sustainable personal and professional success
Can personal styling really help with burnout recovery?
Yes. Because personal style is one of the ways you communicate who you are to the world, the combination of personal styling and archetypal coaching can be a powerful tool for burnout recovery. When you better understand your personality, strengths, motivations, and goals, it becomes easier to create a more sustainable path to success while rebuilding confidence and authentic self-expression from the inside out. The result is success that feels as good as it looks.
Why should I book Kimberly Parry over other burnout speakers for my event?
Kimberly’s unique combination of fashion styling with personal and professional development makes her keynotes engaging, memorable, and highly actionable. She goes beyond surface-level solutions and mindset hacks to help audiences identify the root cause of burnout and transform it with practical, style-driven success strategies that actually work.
As a TEDx speaker, ICF-trained Certified Master Professional Coach, Certified Personal Stylist, and leadership expert with 20+ years of experience, Kimberly brings a fresh, one-of-a-kind perspective that helps high-performing individuals and organizations transform burnout and Succeed with Style™.
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